photo credit: BeamSuntory.com
OLD CROW BOURBON
Proof: 80
Age: 3 years old
Distillery: Jim Beam
Master Distiller: Fred Noe
Season: Doomsday
I wont remember writing this article. Old Crow bourbon has that effect. Last night, I ran out of my old standby, Elijah Craig 12 Year Old, and I didn’t want to tap into my Booker’s reserve, so I made a bar run.
On a budget, I ordered the cheapest pour the bartender could offer. Old Crow. I am of the opinion that there are no “bad” bourbons, just some that aren’t as good as others. Besides, Old Cow bears the namesake of a bourbon legend, Dr. James C. Crow, the 19th Century legend responsible for introducing the sour mash process to bourbon making. Surely, the spirit of Doc Crow wouldn’t allow his name to be sullied by a substandard bourbon…right?
Old Crow bourbon brands are owned by Jim Beam, and is one of three bourbons nicknamed “The Olds” (the other two are Old Overholt, and Old Grand-Dad). Figuring such a venerable lineup wouldn’t include rot gut in the lineup, my decision to buy the $2.99 shot of Old Crow was bolstered.
My last vote of confidence came from the fact that The Old Crow brand is one of Kentucky’s earliest bourbons. If its been around for a while, must be pretty good, eh?
OLD CROW BOURBON TASTING NOTES
David Pickerell once said that “the lowest, bottom-shelf stuff being made today is better than the best whiskey made in 1947”. I’m sorry, but did Dave taste this? I needed some bourbon to get the job done, but when the treatment is worse than the sickness itself then I would rather not even bother. Such is the case with Old Crow.
Old Crow makes every other bottom shelf bourbon seem like it was graced by the hand of God. Old Crow is to bourbon what the Inquisition was to the Spanish.
You want tasting notes? How about tart battery acid with hints of kerosene, and the texture of broken glass. You like tar? You got tar. You like a finish reminiscent of a bad divorce? Have at it. Oh, and there’s cloves.
What dish would you pair Old Crow with? Bitterness and regret.
I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS
After a one shot I was drunker than five thousand Indians let loose in a rickhouse. I dont remember the age, gender, or race of the poor soul on the bar stool next to me. What I do remember was telling them my life story – sorrows and all – while sweat poured off my body.
I didn’t realize how drunk I was, however, until it was time to head to the bathroom.
Finally arriving at my destination a mere 25 feet away from my drinking chair, I struggled to stay on my feet at the urinal. I wasnt midstream before I realized this would be no ordinary potty break. This would be what is known in many low brow circles as a “threefer”, or the “triple threat”.
I had enjoyed a nice meal at Los Aztecas next door to The Evan Williams Bourbon Experience in downtown Louisville. I have a cast iron stomach. I have had the best and worst the world has to offer the digestive tract of a well-travelled Westerner. I wasn’t ready for what was to befall me that fateful night.
I wish to keep this website tactful, so I wont describe in detail the internal combustion that the combination of Old Crow and old Mexican food caused. Lets just say I had to do some laundry and emergency cleaning before the rest of the family got home.
Every bodily orifice – including tear ducts and sweat glands – unified in their attempt to expel Old Crow from my body.
OUR VERDICT
F
There are some people out there that would describe me as a pejorative term for a woman’s genitals for not drinking Old Crow. There are some who say “hey drink what you like!’ There are others who encourage Old Crow consumption for those on a budget. I for one would like to see every barrel of Old Crow bourbon shipped to North Korea as a weapon of mass destruction. I give Old Crow bourbon an F (as in F**k).
No offense to Jim Beam, the spirit of Dr. James Crow, or anyone involved in the production of the stuff. Every bourbon has its place. When it comes to Old Crow, that place is in mouths of my enemies.
great writing
Thanks quickdraw mcgraw! We’ll be adding lots more to the site soon 🙂
Too bad your opinion is incorrect
You are absolutely correct OC is pure trash even in a mixed cocktail. I’ve had some pretty good luck pulling from the bottom shelf when funds were low. But this one by far was one of the worst tasting Bourbons that ever crossed my palate.
Its aged in the same rickhouse as beam . Hmmm …go figure. . Pay for marketing and feel better about your image. . Its like private label milk at the grocery store. Its made by the local brand name dairy and exactly the same. It cant be called bourbon if it doesnt follow the ttb laws.
Colorful commentary. Crows is definitely trash.
Funny review, but you should schedule an evidently overdue checkup for your man-gina. (Not that there’s anything wrong with it.) Hit The Black Bird with the bitters next time and it’ll stay inya long enough to appreciate it for what it is. Even after Indian cuisine. Kim Jong Un say “F is for Fucking-A!”
Actually, it is the best bourbon for making a high ball.
A drink that was very popular before men started wearing skinny jeans and bicycle shorts.
Best kept secret.
Mexican food and rot gut? man you sure live dangerously! great article! i laughed my butt of even to tears! man can i relate to your situation,i think every man has made the mistake of mixing certain food and drinks that have no business being even on the say table or menu together,much less taken internally together! keep up the great writing!
Try it again when you are sober and have reached the maturity level to make your own decisions without the peer pressure. When you poo-poo things to be popular, you are only hurting yourself. I wish you the best of luck with your blog.
My great uncle drank it daily, I do fairly often and a lot of my bartender friends do. It’s fine for a buzz. If I’m having dinner or out with friends I’ll start with a Beam or some such.
As Greta would say.. “HOW DARE YOU!”
Blaming the Olds on what likely was bad food prep.
Definitely isn’t one of the best or good bourbons I’ve enjoyed, and yet it’s certainly not as awful as you so creatively describe.
Thanks for the smiles.
I’ve been drinking bourbon long before it was legal for me to do so. I’d like to think I’ve experienced some of the best bourbons made today and Old Crow is still one of my go to orders at a bar, because of taste and price. It is also always on my bar at home. To each his own but I never quite understand the hatred.
The hatred’ I think’ is that he doesn,t want it to become more popular or the price will go up.
the 1980 after all my notes for farming rolled over from 7 to 9% to 21% when Paul Volker headed up the FED and applied his fix inflation during the Saving and Loan mess and just before the FDIC Nealy wrecked the wold wide banking system over the FDIC’s reaction to the over a Billion dollars worth of loans Bill Patterson of the Penn Square Bank sold upstream with half going to Continental Illinois National Bank and Trust Company they were the first big domino to fall. It took he Dot Com bubble to get over that mess.
Those banking failures led to the housing bust. Te new lending policies the FDIC put in place made Jimmy Carter’s sub prime housing loans some place they could put all that n=money the FDIC told the couldn’t rent out l;ike they had for the last thousand years.
I can afford better bourbon now but I dont need to drink to get to sleep any more.
Couldn’t disagree more.
It holds it’s own with several “top shelf” bourbons
Beats the pants off Jack Daniels